Outside the lines....

Sometimes it takes us longer than others to figure out what truly makes us, as individuals, happy with ourselves. It took me a little girl, 28 years, and a short lived heart felt moment to find my happiness. Dating my fair share of losers and no goods always consisted of inside the lines. I had questions that I dealt with on a day to day basis but was always to scared to take that chance because of the judgement of others. After having my daughter I realized that I no longer had to live to please anyone but her and myself. All parents say "I just don't want you to make the same mistakes I made" and which is a very true statement, but lets be realistic here, our children are going to make plenty of mistakes. Mistakes that make you feel that you're re-living your younger years. I have a lot of wishes for my daughter but my number one wish is for her to ALWAYS color outside the lines. If she has any remote feeling that she needs to be in a certain direction to find her true happiness, I will always support her to go in that very direction, except for drugs and shit...that's not okay.

Although I had to tell a few white lies for my chance to get messy with my crayolas...every minute was so well worth it. He showed me what I deserve, for the first time it was about me. The one phrase he used was "I'm on your time", that just did something for me. He doesn't call women; chics, bitches, girls...he calls us females. That, in itself, rose the respect bar up a few notches. He called me beautiful and let me know that I deserved to be called beautiful. His touch?? Powerful!! I still shake just thinking about him. It had been so long since a man had made me laugh and left a permanent smile on my face even after it was over. Unfortunately, our timing was off and it couldn't prosper into something more. It's very possible that I felt more, but I am completely okay with that because it was everything I needed. All of my questions have been answered. I am beyond thankful for that small yet huge lesson in art. I deserve happiness, even if that consist of stepping on a few toes.

I want my daughter to grow up with her eyes wide open and an open mind with.....REALITY.

LouBoutin

While in the middle of dealing with someone, have you ever wondered what it was like to slip into their shoes? To get inside their heads? Of course you have, who hasn't?

Although I'm guilty for being "curious" or "envious" of others in the past, I knew subconsciously that I was satisfied in my imaginary uncomfortable expensive pair of LouBoutins. Take note I said imaginery.

Unfortunately, even though you're comfortable in your own skin, doesn't mean everyone else is partial to you or your skin.

Why do we judge others? You see certain situations with your own eyes, but 9 times outta 10, you saw it in the dark because you still don't understand half of one's struggle. When judging someone based off of hearsay you should always take note that there are 3 sides to every story; side A, side B, and the truth. Knowingly the truth very rarely services. Due to the mega fabrication of one individuals life, eventually the truth gets lost somewhere.

It has taken me 28 years, a mended broken heart, and a 7lb 10oz blessing to discover the "I don't care" involving others opinions of me or my shoes. Those who judge are far from satisfied with the life they have chosen. Even though I do not owe anyone an explanation for ANY decisions I have made, I have to say this....I once was a young vibrant girl who made poor poor decisions that has blossomed into a strong independent woman with aspiring dreams of being the BEST MOTHER I can be. Please if you are to judge, you may judge me for my past, but hand over your gravel when it comes to my present or my future. I am unbreakable, untouchable, determined, and phenomenal. Due to my current situation that I have enabled, I will have to develop very thick skin for all the rocks that will be thrown at me. Use to, I felt sorry for me. Now, I am blessed.

So feel free to walk in my LouBoutins one good time, they may be uncomfortable ever now and then, but at the end of the day when you see the BIG picture, I bet you won't wanna take em off. :) :)

*Confidence is a stain that can't be washed off!! Let the opinion of NO-ONE make you feel less than what you are!!*

Is it a feasible fairytale?

After having a interesting conversation with one of the most amazing women in my life,  I started thinking..... is it possible to find the man of your dreams?

While some people search for that jaw dropping physical countenance, I find myself needing more in order to "fall in love".

Granted its human nature for there to be some degree of physical attraction in order for a relationship to succeed, but what do I NEED to make it SOLID.

What exactly entails stability of my heart??

A man who is KIND but doesn't wear his heart on his sleeve. A man who is intelligent and understanding of LIFE. A man who has permanence:mentally, physically, emotionally, & financially. Someone who spoils me ONCE IN A BLUE MOON... and doesn't throw what he does for me in my face.A man that makes me laugh but LISTENS when I'm sad. A man that accepts my past with intentions on bettering my future. A man who knows how to make a woman feel good SEXUALLY, not just the penetration principle but the importance of the emotional aspect. A man who isn't afraid to be proud of their other half, confident with showing his love for me to the world. Someone who doesn't allow the natural warm blooded desire for more lead him in the direction of infidelity. Honesty.....fluent in the language of honesty!! 

Last but not least...a man who loves MY LOVE, MY LIFE, MY HALF THAT MAKES ME WHOLE, MY REASONING, MY #1....my daughter...AUDREY. 

You would think all of those traits would be something that people strived for. TRUE LOVE is on the verge of exstinction. I can't give up hope that I don't live in a land of mental make believe.

*hesouttherewaitingforme*

Open Book

I am a woman with plenty of stories to tell. A woman who has made her fair share of mistakes. Confident in knowing I will continue to make plenty more. Sensibly having an understanding that every mistake I have/will make will always undoubtedly be recognized as a lesson learned.

According to some I tell to much of "my life story" "my business", but I disagree. I consider myself an Open Book. To be ashamed of the decisions I've made this far would mean that I was ashamed of myself. With that being said, it is all the more reason why I do not hesitate to "tell all".

I can't speak on the behalf of any other individual, but to live in regret?? What kind of life is that. Hopeful to touch a life, guide someone in the "safe" direction, to HELP someone....that's my reason for being an Open Book. 

I hope you enjoy my blog as I touch on different life events. If you can't learn from me, hopefully I can at least provide you with some pretty intense and interesting reading entertainment.

*No Regrets, No Boundaries, No Fear*